The Plans Of Mice And Men...

I am regretfully submitting this entry later than originally promised. It has truly been a trying couple of days so you must forgive my somewhat lackluster posting.

They say that even the brightest minds have their off days. Until today I always though that was just drivel the weak told themselves to give them the courage to get up every morning knowing that they were worthless specks on this earth who could never achieve anything. Honestly the mere idea that they aren't perpetually rocking in the fetal position, drenched from head to toe in their own salty discharge, and cursing their gods for forsaking them still baffles me. Anyway, as utterly unbelievable as it may sound, it seems that I have experience the first failure on my journey. Believe me, none could be as disappointed at my own folly as myself. Alas on to the experiment.

Butter-Cream Belly Busters

codename: Arizona

Experiment Note #1: The cupcake recipe is that of Jacques Torres, while the icing recipe has been adapted from Demolition Deserts (Enchanting name for the book. I must look into it.) Experiment Note #2: This makes about 2 dozen cupcakes so plan accordingly with your cooking containers.

Materials:

Butter-Cream Icing: .5 cup of unsalted butter 2.5 cups of confection sugar (powdered) .5 teaspoon of salt 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon of whole milk 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract .75 teaspoon of lemon juice

Cupcake Batter: 3.5 ounces of unsweetened chocolate, chopped 2 tablespoons of Dutch-processed cocoa powder 1.25 cups of boiling water 2 cups of cake flour, sifted .75 teaspoon of baking soda .5 teaspoon of baking powder .25 teaspoon of salt 1 cup (2 sticks) of unsalted butter 1.5 cups of light brown sugar 3 large eggs, at room temperature .5 cup of sour cream 2 teaspoons of pure vanilla extract

Procedure

Part 1 - Butter-Cream Icing:

1. With a mixer cream the butter and salt.

2. Add half of the powdered sugar and all of the milk to the mixture then beat until combined.

3. After scraping down the bowl, mix in the rest of the powdered sugar, the vanilla, and the lemon juice.

4. Beat for about 7 minutes or until the frosting is light and fluffy

Part 2 - Cupcakes:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2. Combine the chocolate, cocoa powder, and boiling water in a heatproof bowl (b1). Whisk together until smooth and set aside to cool.
3. In a separate bowl(b2) combine the flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt.

4. In another bowl(b3) use a mixer to beat the butter until light and fluffy. (mixer preferably connected to a stand and fitted with a paddle attachment, but it can be done without. I used the beater

attachments and held the mixer for this attempt.)

5. Combine the brown sugar and eggs to b3; introducing the eggs one at a time, beating after each addition.

6. Reduce the speed of the mixer and add the sour cream, vanilla extract, and the chocolate from b1 to the mixture in b3. Mix Well.

*Important*

Experiment note #3: When following the next step make sure not to mix for too long or too vigorously because it will lead to a rack filled with dry cupcakes. If this happens still, you can add some chocolate jello pudding mix to your batter to keep it moist.

7. Add the flour mixture of b2 to bowl 3. Beat just until combined. Lumps are okay!

8. Scoop out batter into your muffin cup containers about four-fifths full.

9. Bake in over for about 20 minutes and transfer to a wire rack to cool.

10. Cover in frosting

11. Give to enemies

Optional Procedure Options for Quicker Belly Busting Results:

1. Before you put your batter in the oven, place chocolate chips inside. Chocolate Destruction they will never see coming.

Arizona was definitely a promising experiment. Much like C5, experiment Arizona was meant to pray on the positive childhood memories of my victims, causing them to consume unfathomable amounts of delectable baked goods in hope of recapturing that feeling of comfort and joy now absent in their mundane and pointless existences. At first all seemed to be according to plan, but a foolish slip in the procedure proved disastrous. These supposed moist belly-busters were in fact arid duds. It seems that the act of over-processing the mixture caused an unforeseen change in the experiment’s texture and led to its unsatisfactorily dry nature. While some of my enemies did not seem to notice due to heaping amounts of the melt-in-your-mouth(rot your teeth) frosting, I could not ignore such abysmal results. Sadly this means that Arizona will not be added to my list of active weaponry, but I will be sure to return to and perfect the project in the future. Failure such as this will never happen again. This I vow!